I will leave this place that I am caught.
Snared by the trap of my own thoughts.
I will cut all ties to this,
like the vain in my wrists.
I've bled this place,
I'm just bleeding now.
Trading my blood for fortunes,
filled with gold and riches,
filled with love and beauty,
emptying myself of this place.
That is what I wish for most.

I would die, just to achieve this.
Open up and take my last breath as this.
Rise up after being buried in memories.
Walk again on this earth like Christ,
fly for the first time as a phoenix,
from the fires that consume the old,
from the fires that forge the new.

You might call me a sinner,
but I've always avoided being a monster.
Look deep into me and see,
I've lived life not as a saint, just me.
Patient and tender, too willing to wait,
but I've got way too good at being bad.

Finding out fast where I belong,
not in the ground and not in the sky,
if nowhere, just not here.
I don't see myself painted in this picture.

Pieces of me die, the ones that truly lived,
too hot to touch, they die so young.
I will let them go, just to start again.
Cultivate myself on new ground,
far from this barren place that only drags me down.

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Joshua S. Bell
icbod@spy.net